Whore...and other labels.
Labels are important when it comes to identifying things. Many of us have kitchen cabinets filled with cans that are tagged and ready for use. All of those items are identified by a label which makes selecting what you want that much easier. Yes, labels come in handy, but what about those that demonize and can make one appear dirty? Words such as 'whore' or 'slut'. How can those labels impact the way someone lives their life?
I posted a question on Facebook regarding dating multiple people at the same time. A few people said it was fine to do so, as long as no sex was involved. Reason was that if a person is dating multiple people and having sex with them, then they are considered a whore (ho). I allowed the exchange to occur on my thread and read all the posts defending ‘whoredom’ and those who professed it to be disgraceful. What I found amazing was how quickly a person can be labeled something just because their life does not fit into the parameters of societal acceptance. My question is this: If a person is single, why are they being judged (or labeled) for having consensual sex with another adult? Also, how many people does one need to sleep with before crossing over the threshold into whoreville?
I am no saint and have had my experiences. Do I know how many people I have slept with: No. However, I don’t consider myself a whore; nor do I consider anyone with a healthy appetite for sex to be one. Yet, this is just my opinion. Now, I do believe in moderation. I do not feel that a person should be changing partners like they do underwear; but, if they choose to do so I still will not label them. Please understand that I was not always this free thinking. I used to condemn, convict, and crucify people for having multiple sexual partners. However, over time I came to the realization that sex is great and everyone is doing it, has done it, or wants to do it (again). It is a natural form of intimacy and as long as both parties are in agreement I say ‘enjoy’.
Another thing I learned from working in the field of HIV prevention is that oftentimes those who are most open about what they do are usually the safest. I recall talking to a room of women and they were condemning prostitutes and could not understand their hustle. I am not an advocate for prostitution (only because of the physical risks the women place themselves in) but I have experienced that most ‘street-workers’ are up to date on their HIV & STD tests; most use condoms 100% of the time; and since their kitty is their money maker many do what they gotta do to make sure she is free of disease. Whereas the hooker goes to the clinic, the ‘upstanding’ woman who does quickies in the janitor closet with her coworker usually fails to get tested for HIV -because she’s not a 'whore'. The single mother who just needs to get ‘tightened up’ every now and then oftentimes overlooks the importance of condom use because her ‘regular’ looks healthy: but the bigger question is how many other ‘clients’ does he service.
I think labels such as whore (ho) force people to lie about what they are doing. If a person knows that his or her sexual proclivity could lead to being labeled as such they will more than likely keep it on the low. So many people downplay what it is they really like to do in bed because society (in America) frowns upon overt sexual pleasure. How many of you reading this blog have a fetish that you dare not mention? How many of you have imagined sex in a ways and positions that may scare your current partner? Are you a freak suppressed in a cage, or have you successfully liberated yourself to a space where you can careless how you are viewed? Gays do it all the time; but the straights seem to have a fear of being real. So who is really in the closet?